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They permeate our existence and undermine our rationality. They creep in and fill gaps in our otherwise complete psyches. They phases us, confuse us, mislead us and even depress us. They are at the root of most interpersonal conflicts and at the forefront of most confrontations. They are our doubts. The definition of the word doubt (according to Webster) is “to lack confidence in” but I think it has a lot more meaning that just lacking confidence. Doubts come from all around us, I mean it’s so easy to doubt things. We live in a world where seeing is not necessarily believing anymore. On so many levels, what with technology, on the simplest level – a picture may just be the creative end result of one technologically savvy person’s imagination. But on a deeper metaphorical level, we see things every single day and yet we choose not to. We put ourselves in and endure situations that, if we were to see our best friends doing what we do – we would stop them and shake them until their eyeballs come loose. So really, we doubt ourselves because we know what we are seeing but we doubt that we are correct. We undermine our relationships this way too. We take perfectly pleasant, happy, functioning relationships and riddle them with doubt. I think doubt involves fear. Fear of acceptance goes hand in hand with it. Not being accepted by others but rather just accepting ourselves. For the female who has doubt in her partner because of his behavior, she may feel an infidelity in her house but because she doesn’t want to accept it – she doubts herself and her own judgment, thereby undermining her own heart and soul just so she can stay in the complacently safe space she has created. For the business man who is waiting on some news, he knows what his next move should be but doubts himself so he can stay in the safe and albeit unstable environment he’s created, all the while doubting his every planned and potential move thereby imprisoning him in his own doubts. For the student who yearns to learn more, she doubts herself and her achievements so she can stay behind the curve and not face the fears of failure and progress. For the happy girl in the relationship with the man of her dreams that she has been waiting for, she doubts his genuineness and their relationship, so she can avoid her feelings of being unsure and even her disbelief. I have a friend who lives by a motto “when in doubt, throw it out.” She applies this to things as simple as shopping or as deep as relationships. I was pondering her motto, and I realized that we as a society have grown to seek disposable relationships and experiences coupled with comfortable interactions and complacent solitude. In that, we want our lovers to be the way we want them to, and our relationships to flow as we choose. But I don’t think this is possible or even healthy. Instant gratification is not always a good thing. You know, that old adage “good things come to those who wait”? I think that I agree with that more and more as I live my life. Every time we hit a bump in the road, we start doubting … things, people, relationships, circumstances. There is a line though, that we must be careful not to cross. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck. Don’t doubt it. But when you see a duck, and you don’t want it to be a duck, you can’t say it’s not a duck and start doubting your vision. We have to stop doubting ourselves before we can truly accomplish the goals we set and the things we want.

How many times have you wanted to do something and given up half way or even less than half way because you lost motivation? You didn’t lose motivation – you gained doubt. You rationalized your abandonment of that thing through some kind of doubt.

Doubt prevents us from moving on and growing. I doubt I can do better. You’d be surprised but I hear that all day long from all kinds of people from all walks of life. You doubt you can do better so you don’t even try. And that applies to all kinds of things, from jobs, to hairstyles to relationships and lovers. I think, as long as you doubt it, you’re right – you can’t do better. But when you let go of that doubt – even if you don’t “do better” you try. That process of trying is an unbelievably valuable experience. I think that the fear of losing what we have is a horrible reason to not want to try and improve it. I get so frustrated when I think about stagnation. I hate to see people wallowing in their own inabilities to do for themselves. Man people!!! Are you awake out there? It’s your life passing you by. What do you have to give to the next generation? What are you going to impart on this world? People talk about carbon footprints and trying to reduce them. Well I am talking about your metaphysical footprint. That thing that you impart on the people and world around you – the energy you contribute to this world.

I have noticed so much deterioration around me that it’s sad. It makes me wonder if I should fight or if I should take flight. There are so many questions I have that all I can do is try to seek out the answers. I have my times where I have doubt and then I tell myself that at the end of the day, it’s just me. I am truly all I have in this world and in this life. No, it’s not a bleak statement either. I think we, as people are all we’ve got. So I must make sure I am the best for myself before I can expect something even close to that from anyone else.

Signing off for now – without a doubt

M