The Tragic Heroine.
You know her… she’s that girl that never realized how much she loved her boyfriend till he slapped her across the face - either actually or metaphorically.
Why does she do this?
There are lots of reasons..but the main one is… that she doesn’t know better.
Isn’t it amazing that until someone hurts us, we never realize how much we think we love them? I mean, really, is it supposed to take pain to realize pleasure? To some extent, I think it does. But if someone really loves you, why does he want to ever slap you? Even if he doesn’t do it physically, why would he even want to make you feel like that?
Because - he is thinking about himself. And while love isn’t perfect, how do you know where to draw the line? Well - tragic heroines don’t. They just don’t. They spend their time FOCUSED on the avoidance of drama so much so, that they CREATE it by avoiding it. When you spend so much time focused on one thing, you develop tunnel vision. It’s only natural…
Have you noticed that love advice in general, sounds the same…. “don’t forget your friends” “keep your own life” “maintain your routine”.. the introduction of a man (or woman) into your life should not UPSET your life, it should complement and enhance the life you already have.
UNLESS (and this is a big one)
UNLESS… you don’t like the life you have. And you just want to replace it. HA. Interesting but true. But if you don’t like the life you have, how can you expect someone else to? Why would you want to bring someone you are supposed to love and that you are so interested in - INTO a life you don’t like? If you are unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and empty… what makes you think that OBSESSING and PORING over someone will change that?
HONEYMOON phase - yeah we all go through it - but surviving it is also important.
The tragic heroine doesn’t realize that. She needs to be the center of attention at all times because she wants everyone else to stay FOCUSED on her. She can only focus on attention. She can’t think about anything else. She needs to know that she matters to you, to the valet guy, to the bartender, to the bouncer and to every guy/girl that crosses her path. She has to act humble, cause she’s a tragic heroine - not Paris Hilton. She’s not a bitch, she’s nice…to most people…especially people that she thinks admire her…or that she has an advantage over.
The tragic heroine means well, but is a sad lost soul. She needs help. The worst part is - I used to be one - so that’s why I know her so well. You just want it to work and feel good. Who cares if it is not right - who is anyone to tell me what to do with my life! All I need in this world is me and my girl/boyfriend, right? Hahaha That only works if you are Tupac and your girl is your gun (like the song…yes people he was talking about his GUN).
You hear Jay-Z talking about Beyonce and you think…awwwww he’s right, that’s all I need. You hear method man rapping about how mary j is all he needs… Sure. All he needs is to sell that tragic heroine a few records…. THAT is all he needs.
Love doesn’t need to be tragic. I used to think you have to walk the valley to get to the mountain top. Well - that Valley doesn’t need to be a sh*t storm, full of demons, locusts, hurricanes and tornadoes…it can just be a valley of self-discovery…a valley dedicated to the journey of learning the art of balance and calm. Why do people YEARN to understand peace and harmony - yin and yang?
Because people - normal - non-tragic people need balance.
Why do you need to hurt to feel good? Why can’t you just feel good? It’s like an addict… you’re addicted to the feeling. You’re addicted to the attention to the fight to the struggle… we have been trained to think that anything worth having is worth fighting for. I agree, everything needs work and effort and the worthiness of the person getting it. But before you can say something is worth fighting for, you have to know what that something is. Are you fighting for happiness? Or are you just fighting to win? Are you fighting for it cause you don’t want to be wrong? That was my thing… My mantra was “i owe it to myself to find out if this person can make me happy. I owe it to myself to try my very hardest, even if it means REARRANGING everything…just to see if I can be happy.”
So funny… it’s sad because what you don’t realize is that you haven’t BEEN happy to know what happy is…what you are fighting for is the ability to say you were right. That you weren’t stupid, you didn’t make a bad decision, you didn’t NOT see the signs, you were right, you weren’t wrong, all these people and all these voices, and all these red flags… YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION.
Well you are not. Not now, not today and not tomorrow. You will never be the exception, because of the fact that you dont see yourself as you truly are.
When will she change? When she realizes, that she and only she is the master of her destiny. When she knows, that someone will love her no matter what, because someone already does. Herself. You need unconditional love for yourself, so that you know what it feels like. When you know what it feels like you will definitely be able to identify it when it happens again.
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One Response:
November 9th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
I think you need a career change; you should be a Marriage and Family Therapist. But then again, this is only one of the hats that you wear so well. You know what Dr.K, You are really smart!
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