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He has cause to accuse me of things though, I lied to him.

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but what about controlling you? isolating you? putting you down?

you are not ready to be in a relationship. you are not mature enough. and you don’t love yourself enough.  you are not in a position to be able to determine even WHY you lied to him. you just want to fix it so you can stop feeling bad. you don’t even want to ask yourself why you did this… you knew it was wrong to lie to him and you did it anyway. you know he is insecure and cant handle your past but you choose to ignore it.

that is really pathetic that you are in a relationship where you are going to have to 3 way your boyfriend and your best friend to prove a point to your boyfriend………

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I didn’t three way anyone, I just started thinking that that might have been his way of finding out what I said. I was thinking “what if he wants to listen to me talk to my friends to see what I said.” I know it was retarded but I’ve really lost my head.

If I’m not ready now at the age of 27, when will I ever be?

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when you can be honest with yourself about you are and love yourself.

why are you so ashamed of who you are?

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I don’t know. I just wanted to be so perfect and have a perfect relationship.

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well you are not perfect you dot have a perfect relationship.

he is not perfect either.

perfect. that is funny.

in a perfect world - you would be happy.

you are not.

you guys isolate yourselves because you know there are sooo many issues that everyone else can see. TWO highly insecure found each other and now all they  have is one another to cling to.

its like being on a rubber life raft in the middle of the ocean…… you are so dependent on each other that you cannot think straight.

he has convinced you that seeking help from even your best friends who love you and accept you more than he does - is wrong.

that is sad.

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Really? The times that we hung out with you guys we were happy those days so I thought that we looked happy.

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its not happy when the Fake you was dating him.

you refer to THOSE days so longingly.

THOSE days were a month ago…

 and he doesn’t love the real you.

you don’t even know WHO that is

he loves the you he WANTS to have

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Going forward, I want to be completely honest with him. In the future, I don’t want to feel like I have to lie to him. What’s the worst he can do, break up with me?

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are you willing to accept the consequences?

and no, my dear, that is the BEST thing he can do. he can set you free and allow a man who is secure and kind and worthy of having you in his life - find you.

if he wants to be part of your life, he has to let you be who you are…without fear.

you are afraid of losing the perception of the relationship you have.

you perceive your relationship as one that is full of love, trust and respect.

you perceive it to be one that is accepting and nurturing

in reality, you are not being fulfilled in any way (except maybe sexually) by this man.

you have lost connection with your friends

you have begun to become a liar

you are even more afraid of being judged then you were before

you are with a man whom you FEAR, you fear he will look down on you, you fear not only his reactions but those of him around you

he is going to have to suck it up

there is a price to dating a girl like you

he likes you cause you are pretty, and kind, and nice and all of the things that other guys liked in you.

he wants a girl like you, there is a price to pay.

whether or not he is man enough to pay it - is his issue.

he didn’t care about any of this stuff in the beginning when he was DYINGGG To get to know staying on the phone all night long

and he shouldn’t care now

he needs to be able to stand up to the world

and say yeah so what she used to be a slut/liar/wh*re

I still love who she is today.

I don’t judge her because love doesn’t judge

your relationship is supposed to be the place you run to get away from all the problems of the world and its judgments, not the place you have to FEAR the most….

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The last few sentences were so beautiful. That is exactly what I want.

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what are you willing to do to have that?

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If our relationship continues, then I’m going to be honest with him. I’m going to tell him if I run into an ex or if someone calls me or anything else like that. I’m not going to hide things that happen anymore and see how he handles it.

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you have to be willing to accept that if that is truly what you want, this man may not be able to give it to you.

look

full disclosure is not the key either.

just because you run into your ex - you have not committed adultery.  what makes you feel guilty is something else. it has nothing to do with the mere fact of running into an ex. you feel GUILTY for something. you need to ask yourself why. you don’t need to tell the man everything. it is not necessary. you need to have privacy. there needs to be some mystery. you don’t want to know every single thing… you want to have something that can span over 10 - 20 - 30 years.

you need to understand that telling him those things will not make him trust you nor will they make him more secure.

that is something he needs to find within himself.

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He still thinks that there is more that I’m not telling him.

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there is NOTHING you can do to change it. if you were smart, you would flip it and be like ok enough is enough.

I have said my piece, and unless you have something new to say - I don’t want to talk to you.

you need to take your time and think.

I want to resolve our problems not just keep repeating ourselves

you mean the world to me but at this point you just need to look in your heart and see if you can move on

I respect your wishes either way

but I refuse to keep battering myself.

I made a mistake

I accepted responsibility

I told you it wont happen again

now you need to make a decision

either you are in or you are out

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That would have been great for me to say tonight, if I hadn’t lied again today. Now he can say that I continue to lie to him. Then what?

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this is it. all you can do is try. you lie out of fear not malice.

either you need to accept that you are not going to change

or you are going to try and change

you need to get your head straight and ask yourself what you want

you keep lying to him because you are trying to GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP

it is not healthy and it is NOT good for you

put your cards on the table

make a decision and stand by your guns

either stop lying at any cost

or be who you are and accept that he doesn’t want you like that

you are still lying to him by telling me everything and talking to me

you don’t even have the courage to tell him look I need my best friends right now

I can’t turn to you because they KNOW ME BETTER they love me and want me to be happy

YOU are only thinking about yourself

THEY ARE thinking of ME

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Then he would be embarrassed around you guys.

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then maybe he shouldn’t be so insecure and maybe he should treat you in such a manner that allows you to be yourself and express yourself to him to resolve your issues.

you know - ALL DAY long - I ask you all these questions that you don’t answer

all you do is argue back with me

I know you are upset

but you are still avoiding and denying the issue

you made a mistake

you messed up

you have damaged your relationship - maybe even irreparably

it is time you grew up and accepted that sometimes we don’t get what we want

and have to accept the consequences to our actions

you are  STILL lying to him

you are not being honest

you are violating his privacy because it is what you want to do

clearly he is not worth so much that you are willing to change

just let it go!

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Last night when I really thought that we were breaking up, I was imagining how much this is going hurt. This one is going hurt really badly. I know that this might not be able to be fixed, but I’m also not ready for that much pain.

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but it is your fault.

you continue to do the thing he asks you not to.

WHY?

you have not even thought about WHY he is doing this?

he is not ready for the pain either so he is torturing you

I don’t know what to tell you

I am talking to a wall

 

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